WELCOME TO FLUG'S BOOKS!


POEMS...

nostalgia - 2023
i hope one day when i die i wake up
back in my pink room where the lights are dimmed and it’s yellow.
i want to be small and nestled in the mound of blankets my mother picked out for me. i don't want to be able to
feel the cold air anymore. i want to die and wake up
back in my pink room where my princess radio is playing mozart’s eine kleine nachimuzic and it’s
the most beautiful thing i’ve ever heard and i will
stand up and walk over to my dresser, the dresser that i can’t see the top of, and put in my favorite cd.
i want to die and
then see my mother, young again, sitting on the foot of my bed, laughing as i dance to the music in my head.
i want her to stroke my hair, the hair that’s so blonde and short and she will tell me she loves me and hug me close to her chest where it will
smell like cherry blossoms and soft mornings. and she will tell me it’s all okay and
i will say “what a crazy dream” and she will nod. and i don’t have any brothers. just the one.
it is me and my mother, in my pink room. i want to die
and wake up back in my bed, the bed that was really my mother’s, where i will talk to my old stuffed animals except
they’re still new and fluffy and i will tell them “guess what just happened” and they will talk to me like they did before.
i will have soft cheeks and warm skin and tiny arms and a brain free of thinking, a child’s body, because this all was really just some crazy dream.
but it’s not.
i will not wake up in my mother’s arms again because i am too big. she doesn’t hug me anymore
and i will never smell those cherry blossoms and
the smell of the carpet in the early morning and
i will never see my old dog again because it’s not childhood.
the home i grew up in is gone, my carpets and my radio, my favorite cd’s and my favorite toys. when i get sick
my mother doesn’t let me sleep in her bed,
she doesn’t feed my soup by the side of my bed,
she doesn’t tuck me in. when i have a nightmare i can’t
creep across the hall, searching for comfort.
i have so many brothers now. the oldest barely remembers my favorite moments of him. i barely see him now.
my childhood is gone, preserved only in small photographs i pull out and say “look! we were so young and happy!”
ah youth.

Flug's Update ; Posted 21:08pm 3/5/24

i started reading 'Madam Bovary' by Flaubert!!! so far it's pretty good :3
i rly want to get back into the vampire chronicles tho!

Current Stats

writing about my current book stats...

currently reading
Madam Bovary by Flaubert...also Sylvia Plath's poems!

currently on hold
I want to finish the vampire chronicles so bad but the book im on sucks omg...i also want to finish Kurt Vonnegut's 'Player Piano.'

current author obsession
albert camus is the love of my life and i need him so desperately