YIPPEE YIPPEE!!!

Today is Tuesday, and it's the last day before I go on Thanksgiving Break!! I really love Thanksgiving, it's probably my favorite holiday besides my birthday, haha....i just love the feeling in the air before Thanksgiving and Christmas--like the times where everyone is arguing over whether you can play Christmas music yet (you CANNOT) and how the air is getting crisper...it's so lovely. I like being in school around this time too, believe it or not. It's just fun to talk about Thanksgiving with your friends, how you're not expected to give gifts or make anything...ugh, I love it.

Anyway. I'm excited to go on break. I've been going nonstop this whole month it feels like--I've had so many Scholastic Bowl games, so many gigs and a WHOLE lot of projects...it's just a lot. Plus, after this month, it's December, which means Winter Concert, Scholastic Bowl regionals, and CHRISTMAS!!! today was fun, though. I'm in Latin right now, and everyone else is doing coloring sheets and stuff, so i'm not going to do any of MY work either!!!!! In my Humanities class, my teacher let us pick a movie to watch, and I picked Love&Mercy, the Beach Boys biopic with my FAVORITE actor, PAUL DANO!! (here's my shrine for him: read me!) But no one liked it!! no body even knew who the Beach Boys were besides me and my teacher :( they even said Paul Dano was ugly!!! HOW DARE THEY!!!

but time for the REAL blog update...unknown to most people, i am a lesbian! if you didn't know that means that i'm a girl who likes girls! wahoo!! i know theres a blog update a little further down where i talk about my BOY crushes...but i just wanted to come out and say that i worked through a lot in the past few years and came to terms with this (not exactly) new discovery. I liked girls back in middle school, but i mostly chalked that up to being thirteen and confused--but I think i was right!
anyway. I am a lesbian, blah blah blah, and there's this girl in my lunch i've been, well, that i've been crushing on...hee hee hee. i normally don't develop crushes like this: out of the blue and without any contact, but she's so beautiful. Her name is MJ and she transferred to my high school in September! we (sort of) met at Senior Sunrise. I mean, the meeting was really her stopping in front of me in the line for donuts and my friends and I walking past her. But, anyway, every day since I first saw her, I've been like, head over heels or something! BUT GUYS. GUYS. it's all been building up. it started off just being like awkward glances at each other, like i'd turn around to look at her in lunch and she'd be staring at me already. then we started running into each other more often, like i'd walk down my hall and she'd be going the opposite way and we'd just stand there until one of us walked away...but today...as i was walking into lunch, i was looking around at her table and realized she hadn't sat down yet, and then i look up, and she's walking past me....SMILING. SHE SMILED AT ME. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!
she's so pretty guys. SHES SO PRETTY. she has these cute horn-rimmed glasses that she wears some days, and then she'll tie her hair back when she's playing cards, and she has an eyebrow slit...oh my gosh. she literally looks just like Ellie Williams and I LOVE IT. like, okay, she looks super cool first off, and then she's PRETTY??? AND NICE??? and guys. GUYS. SHE PLAYS THE GUITAR. like can she get any better????
anyway. i haven't spoken to her yet HAHAHAHA...i only know her name because this kid at my table spoke to her when she walked past. but i'm hopeful for the future! maybe when we get back from break she'll say something to me...or i'll say something to her!! who knows...
xoxo, Abby

I feel so defeated... :(

hello...my fellow americans...like most people in the USA, i was up till 4am for the election results on Tuesday. I'm still only seventeen, so unfortunately I couldn't vote, but I went with my parents to vote and I always have a lot of fun doing that. I even got a sticker! And, with this election (since it was the presidential) I was really, really informed. I developed a huge interest in politics this year, specifically, in American conservatism. Now, because this is MY blog....i feel comfortable saying that i am more left-leaning than anything! personally, i would consider myself to be a Democratic socialist, but most of the time I say I'm a liberal hee hee hee...

anyway...like many people have seen by now, Trump won the election with 296 Electoral votes (u.u) I FEEL SO DEFEATED! i wanted Kamala Harris to win so bad, not just because she is a woman, but because her priorities were in the right place! And, like, when I was younger, I didn't think it was possible for women to even run for office--and she just...broke that. It's so inspiring, and she fought so hard! For the first time in my entire life, I was hopeful for the future of America.
Oh well.
The worst part wasn't even seeing Trump win--it was going to school the next day. I saw the results when I woke up (I fell asleep at 3:30) and when I went to school, all of my friends and I all lamented on our now lost rights. We were all depressed and even my teacher was upset! But, the very worst part was the REPUBLICANS... They were so ANNOYING! this one kid walked in and cheered in our faces, and then, this really annoying girl in my Humanities class said "we all know why I'M happy..." like, hooray, you just voted for me, and MANY other people, to lose our right to marry who we want, and for women to have BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS!!!!!!

BLLLAAAARRRGHHHHH!!!!

And it's not like I hate talking about politics, I just don't think that you should bully and belittle other people because their choice of candidate wasn't yours. I'm not going to make fun of someone because they're a Trump supporter!! Why should I be made fun of because I would've voted with Harris? It's so ASININE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Four more years of this and JD Vance...wish me luck.

xoxo, Abby

i feel really silly and dead BRO!
i'm literally sitting in class and i feel so dead...i've been going nonstop all week!! first off, the last week of October was packed with stuff...like first it was Halloween, and then it was the end of my school's second quarter so I needed to get all my work in and that took FOREVERRR to do because I've really been falling behind with my classwork...and like, on Saturday i retook my SAT and I ran into two kids I used to know...BLLARRRGHHH! And one of the kids was the girl who used to go to my church and she is like...super conservative and WE HAVE THE SAME NAME :( so she thinks we are like friends or something....and then the other kid!! He used to work with me at the YMCA, and we were like BFFs until I quit! so seeing him was kind of cool and he remembered me too! but i don't think I did too well...my questions kept getting easier and i felt so stupid!!!!! :(
oh well. after my SAT my mom took me to a petting zoo and I got to hold little kittens!! :3 they were so cute! and I fed a donkey, which was SOOO AWESOME!!!!!I am (not so secretly) a major horse girl lolz, so i love seeing horses! My parents took my brothers and I to Chincoteague Island to celebrate their anniversary, and I saw the wild horses that live there wahoo!!
I'm applying to colleges soon, so that's pretty exciting as well! I'm thinking about some colleges that are...eeehhh...pretty selective, so I'm kinda nervous for those (>_<) i've already been accepted to my safety school, tho, so i'm not TOOOOO worried :3 I love writing blog entries in school, lolz! I feel so silly coding...especially when people look over and see my code open on the laptop!!!but it's kind of calming, mostly because i can focus on some CSS instead of whatever everyone else is talking about....like right now, i'm sitting in my Humanities class, and we have a sub. The kids in here are SOOO odd....they LOVE to have political debates, but I hate....HAAATEEE talking about politics with people my age, mostly because Election Day is...gulp...TOMORROW. anyway, thats why i like coding instead of talking. i mean, im talking in my blog....right?
i'll be back later...don't you worry....

xoxo, Abby

hello!
I thought I should come on and update everyone on my life now :) it's currently October, and I am two months into my senior year....WAHOOO!!!! im still a little weirded out that I am even a senior!! anyway, life is pretty okay right now :)
halloween is tomorrow, obviously, and this year i am going to a party! my friend, Vanessa, is hosting a party at her house. It's nothing crazy, we're just going around her neighborhood with her little siblings, but this is the first year more of our friends are going! Now my friend Tabitha and my friend Logan are going to come too!! I'm dressing up as Jonah from the Mystery Science Theater 3000, but no one knows who that is...thats okay though. I'm making his robot friends out of cardboard. Speaking of that, all I want to do right now is go home and work on them!! I'm currently at school, lol, and I'm writing this in my Latin IV class...but I have to go to an TRI-M officer's meeting (since I'm secretary) and then go and compete in a Scholastic Bowl match...BOOOOO!
Anyway...my life is pretty okay. Like I said, Halloween is tomorrow, and right now, I have all A's too!! I'm taking a couple college-level classes, but I'm doing good in them. My english professor (well, he's really a teacher, but he's a college professor too...yk?) is really cool! He's sort of self-absorbed, but I like it when he acts out the plays we read. We just read 'A Midsummer Night's Dream,' and I LOOOVED it...so yeah! Plus, I'm taking a Humanities class this year, and I'm really enjoying it! My teacher is so cool, and he and I get along really well. Anyway, that's sort of everything happening right now...
I'm stressed about college, but I think that will get better after December...because that's when applications are due!!!

xoxo, Abby

march is music in our school's month!!!
I love playing my violin in my school orchestra, it's probably one of the only reasons I look forward to going to school each day :3! But this last week, we competed in what's known here in America as 'Assessment' (or, in the more official spaces, 'Festival') We worked on our program since the end of January, and all through February too.
on Thursday (March 7th) we took a field trip to another high school to perform! It went really well, all in all. I really enjoy playing at Assessments, mostly just because the school I go to isn't particularly good at anything, so when we show up, people aren't expecting to hear good music. Objectively though, we are probably the best orchestra in my entire city!! My teacher gets most of the praise, because our orchestra is built on a great relationship not just between her, but between all of us playing too.
But ANYWAYS back to the main point---so the way Assessment works is that you perform a--normally three-song--program for a group of three or four judges. These judges will listen and grade you using a point system; 3 is the worst, and 1 is the best. There are about...six categories, I think? These determine your overall score as well. Anyway, after you perform, you're taken into a smaller, more secluded room where you'll be sight-reading. (Sight-reading, for non-musicians, is when you're given a piece of music that you've never seen before and expected to perform it with no prior practice, and in this instance, we have seven minutes to silently go over it with our conductor.) Our sight-reading piece was SUUPPERRR hard!!!!! I was for sure thinking we absolutely bombed it.
!!!!BUT!!!!! SUPRISE SUPRISE....we got ALL ONES!!!!! my teacher was really proud of us too!!
Anyways! I just wanted to come and sort of ramble about how much I like playing my violin :3

xoxo, Abby

recently school has felt a lot worse. I don't know if it's because of the weather changing or maybe exam season coming up, but I just feel so horrible and stressed out all the time now :(
It's not even that my school work is getting more stressful or I'm getting assigned more work--it's the same amount, I'm just handling everything in the wrong way. I feel like I'm drowning in everything. I can't stand my math class anymore, my teacher is racing through this work, it's insane! I'm barely understanding the fundamentals!!
And, on top of all that, it's Assessment season for the music classes, which means we all have to start preparing. My orchestra class's assessment is next week, and we are SOOO not ready :( it just makes me so upset because we were so good last year, and now I'm sitting second chair and it feels like everyone is relying on me. it doesn't help that people keep criticizing me either--but don't get me wrong, I appreciate constructive criticism, but some people just take it too far.
It feels like none of my friends really like me anymore too. I mean, I've changed a lot since they met me. For one, when they met me, I was going by a different name and pronouns, but now, I've thought a lot about myself and how I want to present and I've come to terms with being a girl and going by my given name. And I started dressing more feminine too, and I think it threw my friends off. I mean, there's not much difference between a boy and a girl in baggy jeans and a t-shirt, but there's a difference between boy clothes and girl clothes when the outfit is shorts and tights and a tight shirt. I don't know. It just makes me feel all weird inside and I don't know what to do about it.

The worst part is that I want to appear a certain way because I really like this guy in my orchestra class, and it's not that I want him to like me so I'm dressing different, it's just that I feel more comfortable in those clothes (and he likes them too.) But whatever. I don't know, it might be seasonal depression or something, but I'm just feeling all wrong. And it's horrible to admit this, but I've almost relapsed a few times. I just don't know what's wrong with me anymore. School is just...draining, I suppose. I'm hanging on till spring break.
Sorry this was so short and pessimistic, I'm just not feeling very happy right now.
I'm hanging out with a few friends soon, maybe I'll update then :)

xoxo, Abby